Reaching out

Reading 1 Gal 3:1-5
Responsorial Psalm Lk 1:69-70, 71-72, 73-75
Gospel Lk 11:5-13

This story is often told with the lesson in being persistent.  But what about the man with the bread,  why would he say no to his friend? 

Was he depressed? Maybe he was scared about his finances,  or maybe one of his children was sick.  Maybe this was the third night in a row he couldn't fall asleep and was in the middle of feeling very frustrated about it. 

We'll never know. 

What I do know is that we as humans were made to be in relationship with other people and with God.  If either of these relationships is not intimate,  we are more probable to be the guy who says,  "Do not bother me; the door has already been locked
and my children and I are already in bed."

My connections with other men and the sharing of my microscopic truths about the scary things in my life (money,  childhood abuse,  etc),  the sad things in my life (my son's handicap,  my marriage struggles,  etc)  and my joys and excitement; allow me to live a connected life.  I am never too far along in isolation. 

As a result of my commitment to these relationships,  I want to believe my heart is always ready to say yes to the knock / request at non-linear times. 

I'm grateful I have 5 or so men who I talk independently with 3 -  6 times a week.  It is these men who keep my heart from isolation. 

This has been my greatest gift in recovery, keeping connected with other men who are committed to be in a relationship where we share our microscopic joy,  scare,  fear,  anger and  tenderness.  Thank you men. 

Transparency leaves no shadow

Reading 1 1 Cor 3:18-23
Responsorial Psalm Ps 24:1bc-2, 3-4ab, 5-6
Gospel Lk 5:1-11

"Let no one deceive himself! "

Oh no,  dang it.  I deceive myself all the time.  Last week we had a family brunch after mass and someone said something that really hurt my feelings.  I wasn't aware of it consciencely until Monday when I was talking to a friend. In the day that passed, I realized how high was pushing that person away and not relating as friendly or as intimately as I would usually do.

What I realized is the comment struck the core of who I was and a lot of pain from when I was younger. I understand today how I need to go back to that person explain how that comment affected me and what emotions I felt as a result of that. But I'm scared and it is now Thursday and I have still not done it.

Years ago I would have gotten angry and blame that person for being so rude and my anger would have been justified.

I think this is what, or at least one interpretation of, what the first reading talks about when it talks about being deceived and becoming a fool so as to become wise. The foolishness that I need to embrace is the embarrassment and shame I feel because of my hurt feelings and emotions and to put aside the blame and the anger and to admit to what happened to me inside at that moment and how I responded to it over the next couple of days.

I think of what Peter said in the gospel when he said  "depart from me Lord for I am a sinful man." Because today I am aware of my lack of initiative and holding on to that resentment towards my family member where I think Peter's response in the gospel may be my first words if Jesus were to come to me today. Because I'm not doing what I know to do is right, and that's reconcile a relationship.

My responsibility in the relationship I know is not to fix the other person and tell them what they did was wrong and how they need to be right and what they have to do, but rather just simply share how I respond emotionally to that and let them own their own reaction. 

2 day's 2do
Address this situation. 

Giving double

Monday
Reading 1 Ez 1:2-5, 24-28c
Responsorial Psalm Ps 148
Gospel Mt 17:22-27

I did cross-fit for the first time this morning from 530-630. It's 8 and I'm still sweating.  When I got home to shower I noticed two posts to the gym's cross-fit blog of people congratulating me on job well done.  I felt affirmed,  welcomed and excited to do it again (as hard as it was). 

As I read the first reading and the gospel today I thought of the parallel.  When I am connected in my heart to God and understand who God is,  the motivation to do what I am called to do far outweighs any difficulty in the execution. 

The first reading identifies the majesty of God.  The gospel identifies the relational tenderness of Christ.  Jesus uses money,  which has is one of my personal measuring sticks (which not right! ) when comparing myself to others, to clearly state to give double what is expected. 

I hear this as giving double in 'presence' to my wife and children,  giving double in my efforts at work,  giving double to fight my critical attitude to replace it with tenderness and mercy. 

What makes giving double easier is me knowing that relationly,  I have a tender,  supportive and encouraging God rooting for me. 

2day's 2do
Be Christ to my coworkers by encouraging them with affirmation. 

Doing the next right thing

Reading 1 Wis 18:6-9
Reading 2 Heb 11:1-2, 8-19
Gospel Lk 12:32-48

The belief that what we do today will effect tomorrow drives our behavior every moment.  The belief that we cannot effect the future can be both liberating and defeating. 

For example,  understanding that we cannot change the world can free us from the anxieties of a the bombings,  wars, killings etcetera.  This understanding can also free us to focus on what we can effect: our spouses,  our children,  our friends,  our work and our own holiness. 

Mother Teresa said we are not called to be successful,  but obedient. 

Abraham acted in obedience because of his faith and was blessed.

What is one thing we can do today to be obedient to to our faith? 

Ask forgiveness of someone? 

Call someone to let them know you're thinking of them? 

Hug your spouse and reaffirm your live to them? 

Do the next right thing! 

For me,  I will
1) commit to my sobriety by calling two fellow men

and

2) physically touch my wife's face tenderly and tell her I love her.